I just spent the last half hour completing a health assessment through Blue Cross Blue Shield just so i could get $20 off my health insurance each month. Now it’s telling me to focus on some things that i completely disagree with, not only because it’s all blatantly wrong information about myself that it collected, but because i had no choice but to answer the questions in the ways that i did.
How often do i wear sunscreen when i go out on sunny days? First of all, i live in San Francisco. We don’t get much sun. And when we do get sun, i’m still not often outside. And when i go outside on sunny days, there is no promise that it’s warm, so i’m usually still covered up. Just because i don’t wear sunscreen on the 5 sunny days a year i am outside does not mean i am at high risk for cancer.
I am not depressed. Within the last week have i been sad? Within the last week a family friend’s mother gave in to her 23 year battle with cancer. Within the last week my brother-in-law’s birthday came and passed, and he would have been 53 had he not died nearly 6 years ago. Within the past week my favorite sports team lost an important game in a bad way. But within the past week i celebrated a friend’s 30th birthday, and within the past week i have started dating someone new, and within the past week i attended one of my favorite regular shows. So is depression something i should work on?
“You’re doing a few things that are putting yourself and others at risk for injury. Why let an accident hurt you or someone you love?” I rock climb as my sport of choice. I get exercise and maintain balance and happiness through this regular activity. Injuries are inherent. I am not getting drunk and running headfirst into trees.
“You’ve already made the decision to keep your lungs clear. Breathe easy!” This is in re of the smoking question, to which i replied no, i don’t smoke. It doesn’t mean that i don’t have the occasional cigarette when i am stressed out. And the question only asked about tobacco, though i will not state in the affirmative or negative the response to this, it does not ask at all if i have ever smoked nor the regularity of having a smoke.
I don’t have high blood pressure! In the last 12 months i had my blood pressure checked by a medical professional once. When i was in the emergency room. During a stressful situation. And guess what, my blood pressure was a little high (normal is 120/80, mine was 137/82).
You can’t get the right results if you’re not asking the right questions. You can’t say this animal is a cat because i say it’s not a dog.
“i bought everything for dinner last night except chicken and rice. if you cancel, i will rip out your scrotum and wear it as a hat. do you have a cheese grater?”—Text message to Paul. Just because we’re not dating anymore doesn’t mean i can’t still abuse my power over him.
“So when we were leaving the sharks game last night, some people behind us were hassling this girl in a Kings jersey. It was pretty funny, but then she turned around and said, ‘At least i don’t live in San Jose,’ and i don’t think anyone really had anything to say to that, which made me kind of sad.”—Joanna