- Sandy: i cant believe i came into work an hour late
- Sandy: ask me why i came in late?
- Sandy: i's pathetic
- Phuong: why did you come in late
- Phuong: tesoro?
- Sandy: because i couldn't get my eyebrows right. and had a terrible makeup day
- Sandy: i washed my face 3 times
- Sandy: it's so stupid. whats wrong with me
- Phuong: HAHAHAHA
- Sandy: talk about insecurities
- Phuong: <3<3<3<3
- Sandy: lol
- Sandy: shut up
- Phuong: tumblr!
- Sandy: no tumblr.
I’m going to apologize in advance for not having a rich husband who purchased his house in San Francisco and pays all the bills and gives me money while i go gallivanting around the city at will. Clearly i don’t understand that Money > Happiness, and that money can buy happiness if i really need it to.
An email i received today (sent to four people, total):
I think you three should seriously consider moving in together. I know you all very well and while you each can be very bitchy, for the most part, you guys are pretty easy to get along with and I actually think your personalities mesh quite well together.
[Section specific to me] I know you are tired of moving, but you’re totally getting ripped off at that dive. You could spend the same amount (maybe even less) and get so much more in return.
Here’s my sales pitch: you can spend 700-900 bucks a month sharing a crappy apartment with gross carpeting with some weirdo roomie you don’t even like and risk parking your car on crack row OR you can spend the same or possibly save some money and get more bang for your buck.
[Followed by 16 links to craigslist ads]
Note, guys: if you ever want to boost my self-esteem, don’t send emails like this.
- Catherine: zack says bros before bros
- Catherine: whatever the fuck that means
You telling me that you’re going to squeeze your fat ass out a 20th floor window because you’re sad and drinking alone at a bar, then not answering the phone when i call you worried that you’re going to do something stupid—not ironic, humorous, or ironically humorous.
Me telling you that you shouldn’t get attached to me because i’m not a good person and i’ll ultimately break your heart, then me getting attached to you and you breaking my heart because you’re not a good person—ironic, humorous, and ironically humorous.
- Phuong: i'm pretty sure if you had a kid right now, we'd spend many of our days concocting plans to screw with him/her.
- Brian: yes. that is probably true.
- Brian: not even probably.