I’d just go to sleep, but i still have half a glass of wine left to...– I only appear to be an alcoholic most nights.
phuong: i was calling him flaming closeted homosexual.
phuong: because, hello.
steve: okay. Well, that was obvious!
steve: not even closeted.
phuong: but his facebook says no!
phuong: it says interested in women
steve: to discuss hair products with
10 Secret Menu Items at Fast Food Restaurants →
If you’re at Wendy’s and you’re really hungry — like, three-patties-just-won’t-cut-it hungry — go ahead and order the Grand Slam, which is four patties stacked on a bun. This option is only available at select Wendy’s, and it’s also known as the Meat Cube.
The Thing I Said Before
Phuong: Life is good.
Phuong: It smells like poo.
Phuong: I take back the thing i said before.
i invited flaming closeted homosexual. i don’t know his name so please...– text message i sent to Chris upon inviting someone to an after work drink
Saeedi: What did you do today?
Phuong: Shitty meeting.
Saeedi: Oh, you went to that meeting? How was it?
Saeedi: What did you talk about?
Employees Only Think They Control Thermostat →
You Know You're Thinking It →
Do I Move You? by Nina Simone
"4 Awkward Moments in Facebook "Likes" -... →
chartier: Viva la social revolución. via Andru Edwards
I've Been Practicing
Scott: something gross happened last nighhtt
Scott: a guy imed me on okcupid and it was like a booty call
Phuong: i've gotten that before
Phuong: i just ignore
Scott: he was like "hey you're cute"
Scott: and we talked
Scott: and than he was like would you ever hook up
Phuong: and you were like "does it say casual encounters on my profile, douchebag?"
jakethoyo: i know you enough to get you off
Scott: oh do you now?
Scott: and what would that be
jakethoyo: giving you head
jakethoyo: ive been practicing
jakethoyo: on other objects
phuong: i'm going to name your boobs, just because.
phuong: left one = tina
phuong: right one = tanya
jenn: tina is the dirty one
jenn: oh she's such a dirty dirty girl
Phuong: you can't check in to your own school, cheater.
Raymond: the hell i can't
i'm the god damned mayor
Phuong: some people put the apartment complexes near mine
you can't check in to your own home
i'm the mayor of my house. i use that fact at house meetings.
After work poop is like seeing god. Only better cause it’s real.– Jenn
Phuong: shitty shitty cock fuck shit bitch cock shit fuck
Jessica: hahahaha you sound like me
brian: jenn just pointed out to me that you signed that ticket [email] "regards, phuong"
Jessica: Are you going to fall asleep while driving?
Phuong: I've managed to get this far with my epilepsy.
Chelsea: I don't think that's the word you're looking for.
Phuong: Oh, which is the one where i sleep with dead people?
Chelsea: Narcolepsy. Wait, what?
Jessica: I still want to taste you cupcakes one day.
Phuong: i want to taste you too, cupcakes.
It’s like a party popper that’s been glued back together.– Chelsea, re: sewing up a hymen to regain virginity
Thib was in the candy aisle at Walgreens. A young father strolls down, his...– from my friend Thib’s Facebook status He adds, “the kid and I both stared back, you should have seen that”
Hemingway’s Whiskey by Guy Clark I found...
God, to imagine putting off Mad Men for Twilight. It makes my heart hurt.– Brian, my co-worker
Phuong: gmail being down makes me sad.
Chris: never forget