June 2009
43 posts
The World at Large + Beat 6 - Modest Mouse +...
This ceases to stop making me laugh.
wrinkled shirts and wool hats dust drifts past the fading light of day streaming from the dirty window and the sun is warm, but it’s still cold i was here i wanted to be here but you’re not here and we’re not here and the dust just settles on wrinkled shirts and wool hats
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“You know what i learned last year? No one looks good riding a bike naked.”
– Brian, about the Gay Pride parade
WatchI swear this is a Michel Gondry. It must be.
This is seriously lacking the ability to stop being funny. (KStew eats sidewalk.)
Dear LA
I tried to write “Your shithole excuse for a city sucks cock worse than your cheapest whore” on the memo line of this check to the city of Los Angeles to pay my parking ticket, but it wouldn’t fit. I’m still considering if i want to pay this.
Parental Advice, Volume #1
Dad: You're an adult now. You need to learn to take care of yourself.
Mom: Here's some money.
WatchSugar Water by Cibo Matto
I will always think this video is awesome.
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Ass
phuong: there is sand all over the inside of my phone and i have no idea how it got there.
phuong: there's sand in my ass.
phuong: pocket.
phuong: ass pocket.
Tumbl-
tumblr
tumbls
tumbld
tumbling
Is it weird that i dislike how “tumbling” is actually spelled correctly?
WatchPaper cut-outs + strings + music = flippin cutest movie
(via @zefrank)
Ten Grand is Buried Here | Microsoft →
chartier:
From Microsoft’s ridiculously preposterous and short-sighted contest to try and bribe users into using IE8:
Tell your friends. It’s not as stupid as it sounds.
Yes, Microsoft. It is as stupid as it sounds. In fact, it might even be stupider, and that isn’t even a word.
Microsoft is trying to buy users; this is a new low. I wonder what will happen when people start clicking banner...
It's The Future →
So, you’re in love with one of your friends, but she has a boyfriend and probably wouldn’t have sex with you anyway.
Step Four: Remove all your clothes and break into your friend’s house.
Step Seven: When she enters the room pretend to be unconscious. Allow her to turn you over and try to wake you for a few seconds before you open your eyes. The injuries to your body will serve...
Advice
I remember someone once wrote in my high school yearbook to “smile more”. I don’t know what made me think of that now, today, while at work, but it seems like good advice.
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Texts From Last Night
Phuong: 20h40m - i just laughed really uncontrollably to myself. anna told me not to drink a whole bottle of wine because i do it every time a boy is stupid. i might drink one.
Phuong: 21h56m - i lobve you. i am eatinf bacom musheoom risotto and drinking wine and watching felicity snf i love you. i am not drunka, just lazy fingers.
Chelsea: 21h57m - aw i love you too baby. you deserve bacon and felicity
Phuong: 21h57m - hahaaha. i love this show so much.
Phuong: 21h59m - i've decided. i don't like sauv. blanc. i love char. and i love p. gris. but sauv. blanc is not my cup of tea...glass of wine.
Phuong: 22h04m omg. i think i'm drunk. pleaase tumbl all my texts for the rest of the nighrt.
Phuong: 22h04m - i haven't even had half a bottle yet. i think this is what i gewt for having not eaten since 11 and drink ing tweo glasses.
Phuong: 22h08m - imagine if i m\de a pie right now...DISASTER!! god. i am and have always been in love with keri russell.
Phuong: 22h19m - FYI: felicity is from palo alto and went to paly. also you should be glad that i am crazy to you via text because anna's text messaging is turned off.
Phuong: 22h29m - the frist thing phil did whe her came home with a thing of toilet paper that i didn't know he was going to buy: he went poo.
Phuong: 22h32m - just saw a name in the end credits i recognized as a porn namem. i'd hate to have an incidental porn name.
Phuong: 00h18m - NB: i am also in love with ilan milosevic.
Chelsea: 00h19m - hahaha
Phuong: 00h19m - SHE'S SO PRETTY!! AND RUSSUIAN@!!2@
Chelsea: 00h20m - she's russian?! russian chicks are hot. man i am going to drink2 okay?
Phuong: 00h20m - OMFUCKINGKAY!!
Chelsea: 00h21m - whiskey since i need to play catch up. should i make mint juleps or straight up?
Phuong: 00h22m - juleps!! je souhaite que tu etais ici avec moi mainetewnant!
Chelsea: 00h23m - je t'aime je t'aime
Phuong: 00h24m - omg...most embarradssing fewlicity monment ever. opmg. omg omg. i wish you wrewe here.
Chelsea: 00h24m - i wish i was there too bb
Phuong: 00h26m - omg. this is so good. i am so mortified right now. i am eating thin mints because scott told me to eat something o absorb the alcohol.
Phuong: 00h27m - omg. felicity jhust bouhht a pint of benm and jerrys and a spoon.m i woneder what she will fo with it.
Chelsea: 00h28m - fuck i want girl scout cookies now
Phuong: 00h29m - haha sould have boyught extrts to store for a rainy fsay. or in my case a fucking shit day that is tot' fucking shit.
Chelsea: 00h38m - haha should have
Chelsea: 00h50m - [picture of Zachary Quinto] quinto is the gay waldo
Phuong: 00h51m - how long is 400 sewconds because that's ow long imjusr recordewd this voice mp3 to dan and i'm anout to send it. it's waty bewtter than any video i'
ve mnade.
Chelsea: 00h52m - like 6.5 minutes?
Phuong: 00h59m - omg i made a 13 minutwe drunken recording for dan. my roommates probalbly heartd everything. haha. shit on me, chelsea. shit on me.
Phuong: 01h25m - do you think i should proposition quinto for sex if i ever run into him?
Chelsea: 01h27m - absolutely you should
Phuong: 01h27m - i am in bed right now a/d wish i had a wendy's baked poato with spour cream and chives. fux.
Chelsea: 01h28m - i have mushroom gnocchi in cream sauce mmm
Phuong: 01h29m - delish! ! what do you think my chances with quinto asrew? you rhink he goes for dkinny gaysians, not thast i am a gaysian. i am jusy a gay asian.
Chelsea: 01h30m - with the mohawk you look a little gaysian. idk what his type is but he prolly like hipsters
Phuong: 01h30m - holy fuck phil has been giggling like a schoolgirl for the better part of 3 minutes.
Phuong: 01h31m - 1 to 10 how big a jistwr am i? huipsyer. hipstwer. fux me.
Chelsea: 01h32m - not too bad like maybe a 4? i'm a closet scale8 hipster :(
Phuong: 01h33m - really? i'd have peggged myself for 7 maybe 8. chitz. i wish i had bought whiskey at bevmo.
Chelsea: 01h34m - you dress like a 7 but lack the music/film pretension
Phuong: 01h34m - i womnder if i can manipuklate [person] into having sex before he leaves for [place]. i need to get laid and his penis is nice.
Phuong: 01h35m - is it all the hats and scarfs and shit i weasr, if i wore skinny jeans i'd be like a 9.
Chelsea: 01h35m - no! no having sex with [person]. you don't ever want to have sex with him
Phuong: 01h36m - lulz. i only wa/t to have sex wirh his penis. the other parttsa don't count. especially not his breath.
Chelsea: 01h37m - unfortunately to have sex with his penis means dealing with the rest of him
Phuong: 01h38m - hahahaha. i just want ho im to hold me and cuddle me and spoon a little. it's really a comfort thing. i don't care who's the big spoon.
Chelsea: 01h40m - haha i hate cuddle sfm
Phuong: 01h41m - haha i love cuddle sfm. it's like the #1 thing [person] and i do aside from games and sex and pretending we don't want to jump each other's bones.
Chelsea: 01h51m - haha ew i'm always like "ty for the sex i'll be going now." man why am i craving coffee so badly?
Chelsea: 01h54m - should i make coffee and put whiskey in it? oo or kahlua?
Chelsea: 02h10m - haha you passed out didn't you?
Watch“Dog eats bag of pot, gets high”
I’m laughing so hard i’m crying. Thank you so much, CNN.
College Memory, Volume 1: Meat
Back in college, i remember being in the dining halls with Lucas and getting a hamburger at least twice a week when no other food appealed to me. They had the halls set up buffet-style, so you’d go in and take what you want on a tray and plates.
One day Lucas asked me, “Why do you always get the vegetarian burgers?”
“What?” i responded.
I argued that i...
Special K
Chelsea: somehow carl is worse than karl
Phuong: it is
Chelsea: it just looks worse
Phuong: the K makes it, like, kutting edge.
Chelsea: exotik
Phuong: spekial?
Chelsea: hahahahahaha
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[groan]
phuong: what do you call a lesbian orgy?
thib: dunno
phuong: a shebang.
thib: [groan]
phuong: i know. i hate that i came up with that randomly.
Reasonable Consumer Would Know "Crunchberries" Are... →
The plaintiff, Janine Sugawara, alleged that she had only recently learned to her dismay that said “berries” were in fact simply brightly-colored cereal balls, and that although the product did contain some strawberry fruit concentrate, it was not otherwise redeemed by fruit.
…
[Judge England] found that their attack on “Crunchberries” should fare no better than...
Better Than A Right Answer
P: Would you still like me if i got a mohawk?
T: Probably more.
Lisztomania by Phoenix
27 June, Phoenix comes to...
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“On a scale of 1 to Phuong, how promiscuous is he?”
– Binh
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Offending Bakers
Ron: [I'm] surprised, yet again, at the lengths some people will go to feel offended.
Phuong: I'm offended that you would insinuate that people would go out of their ways to find something to be offended about.
Ron: I am not apologizing for my status message, least of all to some weirdo... BAKER like you.
Baker: Now _I'm_ offended!
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Eleven
jenn: wow here's a new one
jenn: every single dest[ination] page is set to 11
jenn: yet they all work
phuong: !
phuong: exciting.
phuong: there is a spinal tap joke here somewhere.
A Fun Wedding
I swear when i get married i’m going to register for squirt guns and Nerf balls and all sorts of awesome fun stuff. And at the reception i’ll say, “Everyone find your gifts. Now OPEN THEM AND ATTACK!” God help the suckers who didn’t get anything or got something lame like a gravy boat.
“I feel rewarded without being conniving. It’s kind of weird.”
– me, about (not) playing head games with anyone
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All Over
Cat: omg i almost barfed on the baby
Cat: he had a poo so foul that it sent me into dry heaves
Phuong: this is getting put all over the internet, i hope you know that.
Weedle
phuong: i still don't technically know his full name, so i need to weedle that out of him.
phuong: is that a word? weedle?
phuong: no, it's a pokemon
